Fuck yeah, I’m an adult! So, stop wasting my time!

I think I’m becoming an adult. I realize that that is an odd thing to say, considering I am 25 and should see myself as an adult already, but I kinda don’t yet. Not that I see myself as a teenager, either… I’m just a “student”: That weird limbo area between education and the real world. In my 25 years of life, I have yet to have a job that completely covers my living expenses. I hope that will come in two years time when I am finally done school.

Physically, I know I have surpassed being an adult and have gone straight to being old. That happened at the ripe old age of 21. A serious hip operation would suck the youth out of anyone, I think. Now I think back fondly to the time when I had flexibility in my right hip, as I painfully exercise and stretch in the hopes of gaining it back.

By “becoming an adult” I mean taking control of my own actions and decisions without needing approval from anyone. There are people in my life who’s opinions and advice mean a lot to me, but I am coming to realize, more and more, that this is my life and I am free to live it how I want. I also take more stock in how I spend my time. Studying minimalism and mindfulness, working through Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, reading and attempting to follow Ruiz’s The Four Agreements, I’ve realized that they all have the same message: happiness is to spend your time intentionally doing things you love. And I have started to do that, trying to actively ween myself away from digital distractions and push myself to spend time doing things I want to do. And they are all right, I am happier! On the flip-side, however, I find myself more easily irritated when I have to spend my time doing something I don’t want to do, or doing something that wastes my time. Do I want to go out for drinks with people I don’t like? No. That would be a huge waste of my time. Would I get more out of going home and reading a book? Yes. Heck yes.

“I’m an adult. I can do what I want!” I use to ironically yell in a fake temper tantrum. But guess what, ladies and gentlemen… who are my life colleagues now, I guess… I am an adult and I can do what I want. So there! *Blows raspberry*

The Reawakening of Water Child

So let me tell you something about what happened yesterday.

I am currently teaching ESL at a summer camp, and our afternoon activity was to take the kids down to Toronto Island to go dragon boating. It was hella hot, and we had just been stuck in a stifling school bus as it inched its way down Bay St. We get out and herd the kids down to the ferry terminal when, suddenly, the air changed; before I knew it, I was being washed, head to toe, in fresh cool air from Lake Ontario. Oh! My heart just sang and my whole body trembled. In the ferry terminal there are photographs of water: shallow water over a rippled sandy bottom; deep water waves shining like a polished diamond in the sun. They were so beautiful that I couldn’t stop looking at them.

Later, standing at the bow of the ferry, feeling the lake breeze caress my mind, body and soul, I was in such a place of bliss. I spent my childhood swimming, sailing, kayaking, and power boating on the Great Lakes. I never realized how important they were to me and how much they effected me. I’ve been called a fish since a young age because I just would not get out of the water. I have been told that I am a true pisces. The first dive into fresh lake water is better than any orgasm. Whenever I see water, I want nothing more than to tear off my shoes and dip my toes in. Water just calls to me.

I am my happiest when I am around fresh water. This isat the core of my being. I am thankful that I know this about myself because it will help guide me forward to my happiest, most fulfilling life. My dream ini life is to own a cottage on a lake in Northern Ontario and live, surrounded by plants, with my Labrador retriever. Now, I’m thinking, I might want to also own a sailboat… ooh, maybe live on a sail boat for a time?

Do you love the water as much as I do? Is there another place that just excites your soul, like towering mountains, or lush forests, or arid deserts?